12/06/23
It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like… Stressful
What to do when the holidays don’t feel jolly
Christine Robinson, Chief Operations Officer
Here come the holidays! This is a time that is supposed to be jolly and bright, filled with family and gifts with mugs of hot cocoa by the fireplace, and magic.
That’s not reality, though. Nobody gets the new SUV with the giant bow. Ok, a few get the SUV… but they have to make bank-breaking monthly payments on it. The 30 second ads with the well-dressed family around the giant, impeccably decorated table of delicious looking food do not capture the struggles, the angst, the issues, the triggers, and the years of unhealthy dynamics hiding behind the smiles. The holidays can be great, but, at best, they are difficult for everyone. There are many triggers and challenges built into this time of year, and they often smack us out of nowhere.
Common examples:
Family and friends that you don’t regularly see who don’t yet know your boundaries around drugs and alcohol.
Traditions involving alcohol, drugs, or excessive/risky behavior that others expect you to participate in because, “it’s the holidays.”
Grief, which can take many forms: loss of loved ones; inability to be with loved ones due to distance, treatment, consequences, or boundaries; loss of dreams of what you thought life would be.
Different routine/expectations about your time: Unstructured time off work, treatment, or school; expectations to be at family events; lack of availability of your regular support group.
Greater likelihood of HALT (becoming too hungry, angry, and tired) due to later nights at holiday events, different food routines, work put into holiday preparations, frustrations with self/family, etc.
Guilt related to reminders that you weren’t always the best father, mother, daughter, friend, or partner during the holidays when you were active in your addiction or mental illness.
Guilt because you can’t provide the things that you would like to your family because of consequences of use and catching up on responsibilities now that you are in recovery.
Sometimes we can’t even put these things into words. We just know we feel awful, sad, and triggered.
What to do:
Be gentle with yourself. Step back and remember that everyone is struggling in their own ways, even if they don’t show it.
Honor where you are in your recovery journey and the progress you have made.
Utilize and stick to the routines, skills, and boundaries that have worked for you in your recovery so far. Intentionally put these into practice during this season.
Make a plan ahead of time to manage unstructured time, need for support, and potential triggers.
Minimize social media, movies, and TV that overly romanticize the “magic” of the holidays.
Focus on gratitude.
Best wishes from Stella Maris for a peaceful, healthy, and safe holiday season!